The Trump administration is planning to revise the written civics test immigrants must take to earn citizenship. My first thought: Oh no. Second thought: Comedy gold. So here is what I think the new citizenship test might look like, as written by Donald Trump.
So you want to be an American, huh? Well first you gotta answer a few questions, my questions written by me and we’ll decide if we want you.
1. Do you swear eternal loyalty to me, the greatest, bestest, intelligentest president ever?
Yes – continue
No – Get the f--- outta my country!
2. Are ya white? Like your freckles get sunburned if you go out for 5 minutes without a sun bonnet, that white? ‘Cause that’s what we want around here. Or orange. Orange works, too.
Yes – continue
No – Get the f--- outta my country!
3. Name three Trump properties. Use the space below.
4. What is my golf handicap?
5. Can you talk English good?
Yes – continue
No – Get the f--- outta my country!
6. Can you talk in other languages?
Yes – Get the f--- outta my country!
No – OK then
7. Who is the smartest, handsomest, decidingest president ever?
That’s right, me! And “decidingest” is too a word because I SAY IT IS!
8. Who is responsible for all that is wrong in this country that I have not had a chance to fix yet? Stuff like bad roads, earthquakes, and bad cable reception.
I will give you a hint, because that’s how great I am. Here’s your hint: B.O. Like “body odor.” ‘Cause he stinks! Get it? Am I not clever? It’s Obama. What a failure. Sad.
9. Do my hands look small?
Yes – Get the f--- out of my country!
No – OK then.
10. How much will you give to my re-election campaign?
That’s it. Pencils down. Pick up your pen and checkbook. Let’s see what we have here….
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